I started wearing the hijab well last year at the start of year 10,no I wasn't forced to wear it it was my own choice.To be very honest I would have never thought I ,the girl who cared so much about what other people thought would wear a scarf .I loved doing my hair and I just wanted to fit in and yeah I sure did fit in but i wasn't really unique.I wanted to wear it so badly but I knew i was just bluffing .I knew I could never wear it no matter how much I said I would.My friends played a big part in me wearing the hijab as she was going to start wearing one I said 'don't worry on the day you will wear it I will too' even though I knew I would not have the courage.
That year I had learnt so much about Islam I started aalima course and also my friend who was from Libya taught me a lot and we had so many discussions about various topics.Since then I made a list that I had to read all my prayers and Quran everyday. I started buying islamic books and reading them .I had a strong passion to learn more and more and I had learn so much. I was not close to my religion but once I started exploring it ,was totally diffrent to what I used to think of it I guess being a teenager just made me get caught up with well..the dunya!I remember I always wanted to fast when I was younger I never knew salah but I would read it by just reciting bismillah all the way through .I wanted to have that passion to come back and mashallah it did and I really am blessed that Allah gave me the opportunity.
I was watching so many hijab tutorials (on well, not surprisingly the amazing you tube).I played around so much in the 6 weeks trying to find out what suited me and what I felt comfortable in and I eventually I did and bought a matching scarf for my new school uniform.I tried that hijab style on
literally every day to see if I was happy .I tried wearing makeup as I thought I looked ugly.The good
thing was my school was creating a new uniform so it was the perfect time for me to have a new
image.In them holidays I would have nightmares of how it would be and my heart would race but I knew how much I wanted.
Finally,it was the day before school we had our a Pastoral meetings and that was the biggest challenge of all.Before I went I phoned my friend haleena telling her how I just can't do it I really can't and she said I could but it still wasn't real,it didn't feel real until I actually went outside with it on.I had my hijab on and went outside and walked to school with my sister ,my heart was beating so fast and I was so nervous to how my teacher would react but I kept my head held high because I wanted people to think I'm proud of wearing it,if I hadn't prehaps people thought I was forced to wear it due to stereotypical comments.I went to the meeting and I faced my teacher she was exactly the
same with me .
After that moment I felt so relieved and brave ,that feeling I had literally ,I had never felt
before I felt like I had accomplished a life goal it felt amazing.The next day was school I was less
nervous.Me and my friend from Libya were going to wear the hijab for the first time so was my other
friend however unfortunately she didn't have the guts(yes Mariam you were meant to be the most
bravest ..jk!)I met them and as usual Reham(my Libyan friend)looked stunning and there I was looking like a WiErDo,people did look as I had changed some did not even realise however I did not have any negative reactions which was quite shocking considering the school I went too.The first thing I realised was I could hardly eat with my hijab on and secondly it kept getting messy whereas my Libyan friends scarf was always on point.Slowly I got used to it I wore it diffrent ways and found my way which was low maintenance and only took a minute.I didn't wear makeup because to be honest I have other things to worry about and I had other things to concentrate on.It gave me my
identity as if if I didn't start wearing it this blog could not have been called 'The diary of a Hijabi..'
If any of you want to wear the hijab my advice is just do it,don't wait,don't think just do it even if you haven't found what your comfortable with just do it as you will find it,it's not about looking pretty
ok,we all are pretty but you don't have to prove that to anyone plenty of people tell me how I should
try to look more better but I know I can make and fot but if that effort is for someone else it's not
worth it.Keep in your head in the end you will go to your grave alone all these people's opinions you
care about don't matter,if you have pleased allah and no one else what have you lost ?and if you have pleased others and not allah what have you gained?People who wear the hijab are not angels so don't say 'she wears a scarf'in the end we are all muslims don't use that against them of course respect the scarf but non hijabis don't disprespect them for wearing it and if they do sin don't slander them.I just wanted to say this as when I was an non Hijabi . I thought like this but ever since I wore it I have Educated myself and I have grown into a better more sophisticated person.Thanks for reading and remember...
